“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.” -Faith Whittlesey
This month Mercury is retrograding through Pisces beneath the current of Sun, Mars, Venus, Neptune, and Chiron also traveling through Pisces. We will all feel ourselves being swept up or down and away in the tidal waves of illusions, dreams, miscommunication, and adaptation. The universe is leading us in a highly emotive Piscean swing dance, so strap on our high heels and let your skirts twirl high in this sink or swim atmosphere. Be a gracious and fluid partner and follow the lead of the universe, as you mirror her steps, you are working in reverse to arrive in charge of your highest hopes and dreams.
Aries (March 21- April 19)
I have chosen Alicia Keys as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March- she’s performing at Harrah’s Casino on March 27th. You may find it challenging to keep your heavy horned head afloat with all the watery energy swirling around you, so I’ve taken it upon myself to adapt Alicia’s lyrics, “she’s just a girl, but she’s on fire,” to “I’m just a ram but I’m on fire” as your personal mantra. Remember that you’re a stalwart and highly passionate creature. When the currents of chaotic irrational communications seem to be getting the best of you this month, repeat the mantra, don’t fight against the current, adapt, and remain a steady flame and float.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
I have chosen Waltz Night with Contraversial and Scott Baxla as your spirit guides and venue for the month of March- lesson begins at 5:30 followed by dancing at the Orange Peel on March 3rd. The old timey rhythms and classic elegant movements are exactly the type of simple swish and sway your rigid stubborn old soul needs in order to prepare you for the currents of March. You’re going to be quite out of your element with all the watery emotions and illusory communications going down. Consider this event early in the month as a preparatory exercise that will allow you to go with the ebb and flow for the rest of the month. Let the simple box step count of the Waltz be your mantra as you glide and adapt to the beat of this very watery March…1,2,3-4,5,6.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
have chosen Kitchen and Company as your spirit guide and destination for the month of March. You may go as often as you like all month long in order to sample the huge wine selection, which is rumored to be over 1000 labels. Yes, I’m encouraging you to drink and even be drunk, but with elegance, taste, and a refined attitude towards coming down from the clouds and dipping into the emotional Piscean pool party. You’re quite capable of handling the communication snafus that are coming your way, but you’re a bit easier for all of us to handle during these trying emotional times after you’ve had a couple drinks. I’ve adapted an old drinking song as your mantra this month as you adapt and slur your way through March, “1000 bottles of wine on the wall, 1000 bottles of wine, take one down, pass it around…..”
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
I have chosen Starfucker as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March- doors open at 8 at the Orange Peel March 12th. Although all of the water signs might be right at home with so much emotional plunging and purging this month, it’s crucial that you crustaceans keep an upbeat biorhythm as you consider the murky depths of your finite mortality juxtaposed against your infinite wishy-washy soul. You’re so agile when it comes to navigating these types esoteric waters that I fear you may not remember to come up for air and sunshine. For you, March is a serendipitous synchronized swimming lesson in seeing through to the bottom of the dark hidden complexities of life and death while staying on top of the waves and maintaining a joyful and courageous backstroke.
Leo (July 23- Aug 22)
I have chosen He’s My Brother She’s My Sister with Paper Bird and Shakey Graves as your spirit guides and venue for the month of March- find them at Isis on March 6th. This is a holy trinity lineup of inspirational guidance in the new and less familiar digs of the West Side as well as an opportunity for you to adapt and change your heart’s desire. You must float on the tides of expansion while you soak up the light of creativity without having to be in the spotlight yourself. Be an onlooker this month, let go of the need to lead, and take this opportunity to find satisfaction in awe of the genius talents of others. You will find that there is a deeper sense of fulfillment and heart warming pride available to your soul when you take some time out from making it all about you.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
I have chosen The Strange & Tragical Adventures of Pinocchio, or: Why Didn’t I Just Stay A Damn Puppet? as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March. The show runs through March 22nd at the Magnetic Field. The show bill boasts that “Award-winning playwright John Crutchfield returns this classic story to its hallucinatory and crazed roots!” Its exactly the same type of hallucinatory and crazed tides of March that may have you staggering in your neat and tidy structure craving boots. A comedic twist on a classic story that ponders what it means to be human may be the lifeline that allows you to stay afloat on the metaphorical insights washing over you. Your challenge is to gain perspective with your eyes set on the horizon and your ears tuned into your own conscience above the crash and smash of confusion and illusion.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
I have chosen Asheville Wine & Food Festival 2013 WNC Chefs Challenge as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March. Four separate dates are available to choose from: March 5th, 12th, 19th, and 26th. Each challenge pits two local chefs against each other while diners get to enjoy six plated culinary creations (three from each team) that incorporate a special ingredient and will score each dish. If you can find a way to indulge in delicious food and drink while also maintaining a scrutinizing objective spirit then you won’t have a problem surviving the erratic opposition of the high and low tides of March. You are not a competitor in life this month, you’re a co-conspirator being called upon to decipher and follow the path of least resistance with candid gratification.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
I have chosen Asheville Community Yoga as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to go to as many yoga classes as possible in order to posture and pose your way out of those old, stagnant, bruised, and wounded pools you’ve gotten stuck in. I know you well enough to that you’ve looked through the other signs and are thinking how unfair it is that everyone else is going out on the town and living it up while you are being asked to withdraw and lick your wounds. Buck up my jealous little predatory arthropod, you still have permission to go to any and all of the events I’ve posted, as long you stay committed to self healing and baptize your soul in the deep waters of March.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
I have chosen Tyler Ramsey’s Annual Thanksgiving Home Show as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March. Mr. Ramsey will grace you with his presence at the Grey Eagle on Saturday, March 23. Thanksgiving in March? Well, the Home Show has been moved to the opposite end of the calendar due to his international tour schedule. Usually he would be playing right around the time you rule the Zodiac and this juxtaposition of energy and time is exactly what you too are experiencing this month. Expect the tides of March to throw you overboard and out of the syncopated rhythms you’re accustomed to. Alas, these are the throws and pangs of busy and successful life.
Capricorn (Dec 22- Jan 19)
I have chosen the Old North Grand Opening Party as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March. Report to the Dirty South from 6pm-10pm on March 7th for small bites, cocktails & music to celebrate the opening of Old North. There will be a raffle for a free pair of jeans! Open up yourself to the possibility of winning as well as to the concept of grand openings in the metaphorical, spiritual, and emotional sense. Your makeover will take place only if you are open to it and immerse yourself in the deep end of the pool with people, places, and things that support you letting go of the old and embracing the new as you mix and mingle your way through March.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
I have chosen New Belgium Open House as your spirit guide and venue for the month of March. Go to Isis on March 7 between 5:30- 7:30 p.m. where they will have tasty New Belgium offerings available and snacks while you hear about what’s going on with the Asheville brewery. This month is chock full of events and opportunities that will tempt you to imbibe like fish (Pisces) this month. Its your airy responsibility be true to your intellectual self and only be out on the scene with the tactical intention of soaking up new connections and getting involved with the evolving landscape of West Asheville. This is the place you live, love, work, and play and its time to dive deep into becoming an integral part of the scene, but as a mover and shaker, not just a bar fly.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)
I have chosen Zia Taqueria as your spirit guide and destination for the month of March. They open their doors on March 1st and are located in the old Dolores and Jose Mexican Restaurant building in West Asheville on Haywood Rd. You are encouraged to visit them on opening day and as often as you like during the month of March in order to contemplate and reflect. Plant yourself at their beautifully decorated bar, sip on a 6$ margarita and consider how the owners dared to dream, conspire, paddle through, break water, and give birth to their unique cooperative vision. Draw on this inspiration and realize that you too are a deep well of unique ideas and dreams that can be fulfilled if you dig in your oars and propel yourself onto the shore of your grand destiny in this auspiciously decadent Pisces ruled March.
JP Thunderstruck is an intuitive astrologer in Asheville and general badass. You’ve been Thunderstruck!